No guilt to say NO

How to say “No” without guilt or explanation

Saying “yes” is easy; saying “no” is much harder, but it is the master skill of success.

Stop, pause and think before responding, giving you time and space to consider your response. If you’d like more time before answering, say you’ll need to get back to them at an agreed time.

Remember less is more – respond with a succinct statement, then stop talking. We’re often uncomfortable with silence and it’s common to feel the need to fill silence with explanations justifying our decisions. Offer an explanation only if necessary.

If you are worried about hurting someone’s feelings or letting them down, say “no” with empathy and understanding, acknowledging your regret at being unable to say “yes” this time. Let them down gently, but remain firm in your decision.

If someone won’t take “no” for an answer or pressures you to change your decision, use the broken record technique. This simply involves repeating your statement or response until the other person accepts your decision.

If they persist, try distracting them by changing the topic of conversation.  Ask open questions, turning the focus back on them or perhaps end the conversation by saying you have to go.

If speaking on the telephone, try holding your hand up when saying “no”. This action is a powerful visual aid. It helps you feel strong and assertive, even though you may feel nervous or anxious on the inside.

Practise saying “no” at home or in front of a mirror.

Use visual reminders and positive affirmations, such as “I say “no” without guilt or explanation” or “I have strong boundaries between work and family life”. Write these down and display in your diary, personal organiser, calendar or fridge.

Remember it’s okay to say “no”. If helpful, write down and acknowledge any feelings of guilt, then take action, let them go and move on.When making a decision, trust your intuition and common sense. 

( By Karyn Riley )

Doing MORE is not the answer. Doing less is. Saying “no” to more things so you can say “yes” to the right things is the key to taking you more efficiently and expeditiously toward your goals.